Your role as a future parent is hugely important, whether you are in a relationship or not. Your support can have a really positive impact on how things turn out for both your baby and your pregnant partner.
Before your baby is born
Talk, read, and sing to your baby-to-be in the belly. Babies can hear during the second trimester of pregnancy and recognise voices in the third trimester—including yours!
Attend appointments as much as you can. These appointments can help you both feel connected with your baby. The midwife will discuss options for birth, the wellbeing of your partner and your baby and you will hear your baby’s heartbeat.
Support healthy habits. Your encouragement helps your partner eat the right foods and avoid smoking and drinking during pregnancy. For example, research shows that your support makes it easier for your partner to begin and continue breastfeeding.
Taking care of your own mental and emotional wellbeing during this time will have a massive positive impact on your partner and your baby. This has been confirmed by research studies which show that a supportive relationship really matters for the mental and emotional wellbeing of the pregnant partner. Research also shows that support from the dad or partner during pregnancy is valued more than support from healthcare professionals.
A number of local organisations and charities offer a range of services – most of them free – either as one-to-one peer support or in a group setting.
A number of local organisations and charities offer a range of services – most of them free – either as one-to-one peer support or in a group setting.
Dads Rock, an organisation based in Edinburgh, offers one-to-one peer support during pregnancy and after the birth. If you are experiencing anxiety or depression, having difficulty bonding with your baby, struggling with relationships or feeling isolated, you could get emotional support from one of their highly trained peer supporters.
Dads Rock also offers dads-to-be antenatal classes and a range of activities for dads around Edinburgh.
DadsWork is a community project in East Lothian working with fathers and male care givers. They provide support groups, positive parenting classes, workshops on the role of fathers, home visits, trips and outings for fathers and their children.
“DadsWork is a safe place for dads to meet other dads and talk about their experiences.”
Dads2B– East Lothian is a 4-week course provided by DadsWork and NHS Midwives. The aim is to support future fathers to support their partners through childbirth by building their confidence and raising their self-esteem as a dad to be through practical skills.
Midlothian Sure Start provides support and services to dads and male carers who are involved in the care of their children.
LGBT Health and Wellbeing offers a programme of events and social opportunities for LGBTQ+ people living in and travelling to Edinburgh. These events range from small workshops, classes and community discussions, to social activities like roller discos, swimming parties and community celebrations. As part of this programme, we host events and activities for LGBTQ+ families, including new parents and those who are waiting for or expecting children. These events (and our whole programme) give LGBTQ+ people an opportunity to connect with their community, meet and make friends, build their social and support networks, grow their self-confidence and pride in who they are.
During Labour and Birth
Be there for labour and the birth if possible. Both parents naturally worry about the labour and birth process. Studies report that being present at your baby’s birth has a positive impact on both yourself and on the relationship with your partner and baby. You may be anxious about witnessing labour pain so it is useful to discuss any fears or worries you have with your midwife. Read up on birth and labour and help your partner make choices around birth preferences. If possible, attend birth preparation classes together. Practise massage and relaxation techniques together, before the big day. Do not underestimate the importance of your role. Mums report that having their partners in the birth room reduces their anxiety and pain. No one can bring your partner the love and security that you can. Find out more about supporting your partner during pregnancy, labour attend and birth by reading about pregnancy, birth and beyond for dads and partners.
After your baby is born
Skin to skin contact; research shows that there are many benefits for your baby to have uninterrupted skin to skin contact with your partner for at least the first hour of their life. However, it is also recognised that both parents should be encouraged to have skin to skin time with their baby. Research has shown that skin to skin around the time of birth and at any time afterwards with both parents is important. It helps keep your baby calm, safe and cosy. This is your opportunity of getting to know your little one and start building a strong bond with your child.
Continue to talk, read, and sing. You’ve been talking, reading, and singing to your baby for months. Now enjoy seeing their responses for the first time! You can talk, smile and play with your baby when changing nappies or giving them a bath.
Talk about out how to share responsibility for your baby. New dads can do almost everything new mums can do – change nappies, give baths, share stories, and take your turn walking and soothing when the baby is crying. If your partner is breastfeeding, you can participate by bringing the baby to her, or burping them when they’re done. Sharing these responsibilities right from the start gives you a chance to get to know your baby and builds a strong basis for your relationship with them
Pay attention to your baby’s “cues”. Over time, babies develop their own ways of telling you what they need—through a particular cry, look, or movement. By spending time caring for and playing with your baby, you’ll start to understand them better every day.
Lots of people will offer you advice, but the most important person to listen to once the baby arrives is your partner. Encourage your partner to tell you how they are feeling and what they need and they will likely do the same for you. You are both in this together!
Talk with your partner about things you can do together as a family, and perhaps some things you may want to do on your own with your baby. Such as go to a baby group or class, they can be good ways to make friends and socialise. They can also be good for your baby. There’s lots of free or low-cost groups in and around Edinburgh and the Lothians. See the websites listed below.
Don’t be afraid to get involved! Children of supportive and engaged fathers and partners have generally better outcomes in many aspects of life (e.g., social and academic). Particularly helpful is face to face quality time, eye contact, playing with your baby, and simply spending time with your baby.
Resources
