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What is Complicated Grief?

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What is Complicated Grief?

Complicated grief is when the grieving process doesn’t move forward. You may feel stuck, find that you’re unable to feel sad or to cry, or you may feel so sad that it’s hard to manage your day-to-day life. It’s normal to have any of these feelings when you’re grieving, but with complicated grief the feelings are more intense.

How does grief become complicated?

Researchers are still trying to understand what makes grief complicated. Some key factors that we know can contribute are the circumstances of the loss, the relationship with the person who has died, other losses (particularly at an early age), and the personality of the person who has experienced the loss. Existing mental health conditions can create extra challenges for people trying to cope with loss.

How complicated grief can affect you

It’s normal to lose your routine after a loss. It can feel like a shock to begin with, and a struggle to adjust your thinking and adapt both practically and emotionally. It takes time to figure out what you’re coping with and this can feel overwhelming and intense. Grief becomes complicated when these early experiences of grieving are constant and last for a long time.

  • You may feel unable to go back to work or study after your compassionate leave is over
  • You may feel like you’re not grieving properly, as maybe you’re not crying or feeling sad
  • You may feel that your grief has been too intense for too long and that the intense feelings should have passed by now but haven’t
  • You may feel unable to manage day-to-day life and simple tasks may feel overwhelming, especially once the loss has sunk in and started to feel real to you.

Even if you’re able to manage initial things, like planning a funeral, you might experience difficulties further along in the grieving process. How you cope immediately after losing someone can be different to how you cope in the following weeks or months.

If you feel you’re not moving forward and you’re worried about complicated grief, try talking to your GP to see if they can help.

Related Resources

  • What is Grief? An OverviewWhat is Grief? An Overview
    Whatever the cause of your grief, there’s no right or wrong way to cope. It’s common to feel that you’re struggling more than you should be, or that you’re taking longer to heal than you should do.  However, there’s no timeline or deadline when you’re coping with loss.
  • Bereavement During CoronavirusBereavement During Coronavirus
    Losing a loved one is hard at any time. Bereavement and grief during a period of isolation, filled with restrictions and limited contact with family and friends can make coping with loss much harder.
  • Helping a Loved One Cope with Loss and Bereavement
    It can be difficult to know what to say or do when your loved one is coping with loss and bereavement. It’s normal to feel awkward or to worry that you’ll make things worse, but don’t let this stop you from being there for them.
  • What Can You Say to Help Someone Who is Coping With Loss?
    Most people are unsure what to say when someone’s been bereaved and sometimes this can feel overwhelming if you’re trying to support a friend or family member through their loss. You might feel worried about saying the wrong thing, or you might feel helpless or trapped in your own fears. But distancing yourself or not reaching out can lead people to feel even more isolated.
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